I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
