We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
