They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
