It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
