Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
