She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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