After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
