found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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