Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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