also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
