You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
