I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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