Fine. I'll sleep in my office
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
