What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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