i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
