I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
