Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
