the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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