my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
