I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
