Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
