I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
