if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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