I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
