The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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