i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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