I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
