im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
