how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
