the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
