I wish I could punch you in the face.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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