god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
