So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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