we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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