bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
