i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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