Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
