I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
