Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
