I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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