So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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