Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
