the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
