I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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