1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
