I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
