At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
