i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
