I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
