Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
