Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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